Feel Good
There's something I read recently that says you age in bursts at a few different ages, one of which was 37... and I feel deeply in my bones that this year was a gigantic leap into grey hairs and aching bodies and brain shifts.
I want to embrace it, but I've also found that I'm caught in this mental spiral of taking myself back 10 years where I felt so old (ha!) but was also intoxicated by youth and freedom and sunsets and miles and miles on mountains, and I ache to go back and bottle up every single one of those highs and redistribute them evenly throughout the rest of my life. I've certainly felt glimpses of those feelings and have amassed a number of Top X Life Days (taking Taylor to San Francisco for the first time, cycling around Lake Tahoe, a few days in Charleston this past spring) over the past decade, but there hasn't been anything as concentrated as that period of the first half of 2016 before The Crash... and while most of me is okay with that, part of me dies every time I realize that I can and will never have that again. Part of me also recognizes that that's not actually the end goal because a sine wave with a smaller amplitude made up of daily small highs and minor lows does actually outweigh the drastic swings.
But honestly? 37 as a whole kind of sucked - it's an ugly number (because yes, some numbers are ugly), it was full of a lot of grief in varying shapes and sizes that kind of overshadowed the ups, and as I approach the end of it... I am just Deeply Tired of Death by a Thousand Papercuts and ready for things to level out into some semblance of stability, even though I know full-well that that will do nothing but bore me.
I'm optimistic that 38 will be better all-around, and I'm willing that out into the universe and choosing to believe that I'm not jinxing it by saying that.
Do Good
While we did luckily manage to avoid an actual massive storm on Monday, the kids did not avoid having off school, and that combined with an appointment in Raleigh on Tuesday (combined with some friend visits and newborn snuggles) and no school for conferences on Friday made for a long week of cramming in all the work things into effectively three days. I basically have another week-and-a-half to get through and then have some PTO scheduled to go to NYC, and then I'm admitting defeat and not trying to do everything (ie work and watch children simultaneously) over the kids' spring break so am taking off for some staycation and an adventure to Ohio to hang out on the farm for a few days. It's hard to believe the school year is actually almost done - I do genuinely feel like we were just rallying for Back to School and Halloween.
Other Small Highlights
This Run
Ignoring the fact that I was quite possibly still had a tiny bit of extra wine in my system (I rarely drink, and then if I drink, I rarely drink a ton, and therefore when I do drink, I die), this 6.5mi through the backyard trails was a dreamy little 'is it spring yet?!' adventure. I give it 10 days before this is all more bright than evergreen and sticks.
Kid Adventures
We snuck out to Camelot (aka The Castle Park, which is probably one of the best free playgrounds I've encountered) one sunny afternoon. The kids were a smidge on the clingy side, but Hailey can now jump up and do the mini-monkey bars herself (PRAISE HANDS that this day has finally come).
We also had a birthday party at Marbles (yes, that is a real saw) and then spent a lot of time making sun-catchers.
We also went to the school play, and they had fun idolizing the big kids and then asked if we could watch 'the real Willy Wonka' when we got home and then when I told them it was old asked if that meant it was made before the 80s and then quoted their source of all information (Bluey) that 'that was before there were nets on trampolines!!'. Needless to say, they made it through 3min of fast-forwarding before returning to making more sun-catchers.
Look Good
Eek, lots this week. It was cold at the start of the week and then was 90 on Sunday, so we hit all seasons.
I'm half-heartedly moving my summer clothes in and winter clothes out and am trying to weed through as I go, and my conclusion is my summer clothes are just beat. You'd think after being in AZ for so long that I'd have a better warm weather wardrobe... but I far prefer the colder months and struggle to find summer things I like that aren't restrictive and can handle heat and my body that does not like heat. I panic-ordered a bunch of cheap basic tops yesterday to hopefully kickstart some capsule.